Many thanks for the expenses remittance advice. I am assuming the '37.00' figure is given in UK pounds sterling? I do hope so. We've had some incidents before where the figure given hasn't always been in the local currency, and - let me tell you - Zimbabwean dollars are pretty hard to shift these days.

It is very kind for you to gift me this money, as, in these financially turbulent times, things are very tight indeed for a great many people, and your offer to furnish me with thirty seven shiny gold coins with the Queen's knapper on them is most unexpected and highly appreciated. I will be sure to raise a glass to you, the next time I'm at the bar.

I am, however, left wondering how you plan to transmit this payment to me - as I've never had any dealings with your esteemed University. Yes - University! A proper one too (not that anyone realises, eh? What with Loughborough being the armpit of Leicestershire), not one of these fly-by-night newfangled former polytechnics that blossomed into Universities for the financially (and somewhat less academically) challenged. Yes, like DeMontfort! Rar!

Anyway, I would suggest that if you really do wish to pay me the sum of £37.00 for an expense which I couldn't possibly ever have accrued during undertaking of workings for a University I've never even had cause or concern to ever visit, contact or otherwise, then may I suggest that you instead donate the £37.00 to charity. I think UNICEF is probably a good candidate.

Yours,

Many thanks of your email, but please see attached confirmation why we have paid you £37.00 for your out of pocket expenses.

Regards,
Hiten Patel
Senior Insurance Officer & Payment Section Supervisor
Finance Office
Sir Arnold Hall Building
Loughborough University
Ashby Road
Loughborough
LEICS, LE11 3TU
www.lboro.ac.uk
Tel: +44 (0)1509 222026
Fax : +44 (0)1509 223916

Many thanks for forwarding me a copy of the expenses form. This helps clear things up immeasurably. Of course, had you actually *read* the form in the first place, we'd not be having this conversation at all, would we?

The form clearly shows Mr Sheridan's home address (which was also present on the remittance advice), his bank sort code and account number, as well as his mobile phone number and - this one's rather crucial, Hiten - *his* email address. I also now know he holds a driving licence, and that he travelled from Hemel Hempstead to Loughborough on the 2nd of July, to undertake a Viva Voce exam. This also tells me that he's a soon-to-be graduating student of your institution - I do hope he passed.

If the penny hasn't dropped by now - take a close look at that email address.... and now look at mine.... Holy cow! They're different!

Now - how would you feel about your personal details being given to a 3rd party without your express consent or permission? Not too happy, I suspect. I suspect Mr Sheridan - that is, the *other* Mr Sheridan - probably feels the same way too. If he knew, of course - which he wouldn't - because you're emailing the wrong person - but I completely digress. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll have some kind of Data Protection Act-related policy to deal with this within an institute like Loughborough University, and will be able to settle both Mr Sheridan's finances, and his peace of mind.

Anyway, there sure are a lot of James Sheridan's out there, and boy is *this* one bored of receiving mail for all the others.

Best Regards,